Reports in the latest medical journals indicate a sharp rise in the incidence of a bizarre condition known as “squidcrotch”. The spread of this mysterious affliction is expected to reach its peak in the coming week.
We spoke with Dr. Carol Fische of the Center for Delirium Control to find out what the average person needs to know about squidcrotch. “Squidcrotch is an extremely laugh-threatening condition. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of preparation. The last thing anyone wants is to be caught with your pants down, a squid groping at your woozle with its slimy little suckers, and not knowing quite how to react.”
Dr. Fische advised that squidcrotch victims should be treated with care and respect. “Your first reaction upon seeing a friend or loved one with a cephalopod clinging to their crotch will be to double over in laughter, or perhaps take incriminating snapshots. But nothing could be more damaging to that individual’s sense of personal dignity. Except posting a video on the internet, I suppose.”
Research efforts have revealed that squidcrotch is spread from person to person, usually being transmitted from one friend to another after purchasing a peculiar bucket for L$50. Symptoms to be on the watch for include: moist, slimy underwear, an awkward feeling of satisfaction, and a large squid dangling from your doodly bits.
Dr. Fische urged against visiting Cuddlefish Junction between March 31 and April 5, citing a high risk of hilarity ensuing.